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2014年4月5日 星期六

我和婆婆愉快的一天



很久未試過星期六全日空檔!!! 今天真的很難得, 卻和婆婆渡過了愉快的一天!!

婆婆比以前精神了好多, 長了些肉, 亦沒再有背痛.

只是記憶力較差, 每日總是提起很久以前, 不停重複, 重複, 再重複! 同樣的問題, 會問 10次, 20次. 同樣的答案, 亦不停去答. Hahaha! 我們也習慣了, 也不會生氣!

幸運的是, 婆婆到了今天還認得我, 還清楚知道我係孫女, 那已是很開心的事!!! 珍惜每一天吧!!!

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食過午飯後和婆婆玩 "紙牌". 我到宜家都還未知道這是甚麼牌, 但有朋友話這是 "客家六府牌", hahaha, 或許這真的是客家牌吧!!

我一說, "婆婆, 我地玩 "紙牌"喇!!!!"  她便大笑起來, 說 "好呀!!!! 快去拿錢和"紙牌"過來!!!!!"

看看婆婆多開心?? 仲同小 horlick 錫錫!! Haha!!

不過, 當一開始打牌, 婆婆便認真起來, 想快d嬴錢!! Wakakakaka!!


Horlick 就乖乖地瞓响枱上, 但瞓了在我的錢上面, 成個"管家佬"咁! Haha!


最終我嬴了婆婆少少, 今天運氣還不錯!!! :) :) :)



工人謝謝 show 了我一個做 "檸檬蜂蜜雪芳蛋糕" 的食譜, 於是便決定和婆婆一齊整蛋糕食!!!!
收拾好紙牌便出發去 supermarket 買材料!!!!

這個調皮的婆婆, 出去 supermarket 前還嚷著要食香蕉!!! 激死!!!

今天天氣很好, 太陽叔叔終於出現了!!!! 出外走走心情特別好!!!



到了 supermarket, 婆婆便嚷著要去看魚!!! 其實每星期都會去同一間 supermarket, 睇同一個魚缸, 但記憶力衰退, 一點印象也沒有!!

每週她見到魚缸都會很開心 
亦會說魚游來游去好得意
還會細細聲同d魚傾計, very cute!

返到屋企便開始整蛋糕!! :) :) :)

材料很簡單

婆婆急不及待幫手攪拌蛋黃, 檸檬皮和 olive oil
工人姐姐就幫手加麵粉, soda power, water 攪勻
蛋白加入了糖和檸檬汁也打好了
很快便預備好了!!! Ready to bake!!!!
只用了 25mins 便完成了!!! 好好味, 是婆婆整的雪芳蛋糕!!! Yummy!!

食完美味蛋糕, 大家吹吹水, 睇下電視, 很快便到晚飯時間!! 婆婆好早食飯, 每晚 5:30-6pm 便會食. 平日一定無可能咁早放工同婆婆食飯, 所以都只是 weekend 才有這個機會!


食完飯, 婆婆都會上床休息, 看看電視.

簡單的一天就是這樣過了!!! 但我覺得很滿足!!!

對一個老人家來說, 我們每天忘著工作, 沒有時間陪她. 她大部份時間都是上床睡睡, 看看電視便一日了!!

今天可算是豐富吧!!! 婆婆亦很開心, 我也感到很開心!!!

或許她明天會忘記今天所做的一切, 一點也想不起來. 當我想起這點, 真會令我有點心酸, 但我不會放棄. 我們無可能可以令時間倒轉, 無辦法暫停衰老, 亦不能醫治老人痴呆.

還是落觀面對吧!!! 我只知道婆婆無論變成怎樣也是我最 cute, 我最錫的婆婆.



Keep the happy memories, those will be the moments that remain vivid in our brains forever! 
Seize the day, live our lives to the fullest! 
Forget the past and sadness, move on and love yourselves. 
Tomorrow will always be a better day!
AND
THE BEST IS YET TO COME!



2013年7月16日 星期二

死 ... 是可怕嗎?

在 facebook 看到一篇文章, 令我很有感覺 ...


"How Doctors Die" by Ken Murray


生老病死, 不是自己主宰 ... 但當真的病到了, 治療往往也不是自己主宰. 病人要面對自己, 面對家人, 和面對醫生的壓力 ... 醫唔醫? 治療不治療? 應該一直治療到最後一刻? 還是應有"放手"的一刻? 所有選擇, 那一個是最好?


身為醫生的我, 每天也面對癌症病人. 一半以上的病人也能用手術和電療+/-化療去醫治 ... 但有些病人並沒有這個選擇 ... 但所有病人都會選擇去醫治嗎?


在 "How Doctors Die" 這篇文章, 一位醫生患了胰臟癌, 他選擇不治療, 靜靜地在家裡離去 ... 有人會問, 點解醫生能醫不治醫?



很多人成世人都沒有大病, 但一發現有癌症, 便要面對很多的決定 - 手術? 電療? 化療? 一切一切, 都會帶來傷感, 懷疑, 恐懼, 無助的感覺 ...


醫生不能把病魔帶走, 但能給予治療和對病人和家人的愛護關懷. 醫生可提供所有知識去解釋病情, 治療方案, 令病人和家人對病的了解. 當病人決定接受治療, 會盡心盡力去做好, 和給予病人和家人最大的支持. 治療是漫長的路, 的確很難行, 很辛苦 ...  需要很多勇氣和力量去完成.


做醫生和家人的, 當然想病人選擇最好的方法去治療. 初初做醫生時, 當病人不肯接受治療, 會很傷心, 不明白點解明明可醫治但病人要選擇放棄 ... 還會一次又一次去解釋, 希望病人能接受治療 ... 若病人最後也是選擇不治療, 會有自責的感覺, 問自己是否解釋得不夠好, 對病人的關心不足夠?


有病人曾向我說, "醫生, 我知道你好想我做手術, 但我不知道我會不會醫得好. 死我不怕, 我只怕走時不捨得家人, 我唔想佢地見到我辛苦! 讓我快樂過埋最後的日子吧! 我唔想在醫院渡過最後的時間, 我唔想在醫院離去!!"


那一刻 ... 很心酸 ... 但令我醒覺了 ... 我明白到原來勸病人治療不一定是最好的選擇! 當慢慢接觸病人多了, 體會多了, 亦明白到原來每個人也有自己的想法. 那些感覺, 就只會病人自己能明白 ...



到了現在, 我還是會鼓勵病人勇敢面對, 用正能量去對抗病魔. 若選擇了治療, 醫生, 護士和其他醫護人員一定會支持到底, 會陪著一起行這條漫長的路.


但當有病人選擇放棄治療, 我亦會尊重和諒解. 每個人應有權選擇怎樣去過生活!! 但縱使不治療, 也不代表要獨自去面對. 各醫護人員也會繼續關懷和支持到最後一刻!!


希望大家從今天起, 多聆聽和了解病人的心情, 讓他們選擇和作出決定. 治療的路真的很漫長和辛苦,  希望大家多關心和支持他們, 分享多一點愛!!


How Doctors Die

How Doctors Die

By


Years ago, Charlie, a highly respected orthopedist and a mentor of mine, found a lump in his stomach. He had a surgeon explore the area, and the diagnosis was pancreatic cancer. This surgeon was one of the best in the country. He had even invented a new procedure for this exact cancer that could triple a patient’s five-year-survival odds—from 5 percent to 15 percent—albeit with a poor quality of life. Charlie was uninterested. He went home the next
day, closed his practice, and never set foot in a hospital again. He focused on spending time with family and feeling as good as possible. Several months later, he died at home. He got no chemotherapy, radiation, or surgical treatment. Medicare didn’t spend much on him.
It’s not a frequent topic of discussion, but doctors die, too. And they don’t die like the rest of us. What’s unusual about them is not how much treatment they get compared to most Americans, but how little. For all the time they spend fending off the deaths of others, they tend to be fairly serene when faced with death themselves. They know exactly what is going to happen, they know the choices, and they generally have access to any sort of medical care they could want. But they go gently.

Of course, doctors don’t want to die; they want to live. But they know enough about modern medicine to know its limits. And they know enough about death to know what all people fear most: dying in pain, and dying alone. They’ve talked about this with their families. They want to be sure, when the time comes, that no heroic measures will happen—that they will never experience, during their last moments on earth, someone breaking their ribs in an attempt to resuscitate them with CPR (that’s what happens if CPR is done right).

Almost all medical professionals have seen what we call “futile care” being performed on people. That’s when doctors bring the cutting edge of technology to bear on a grievously ill person near the end of life. The patient will get cut open, perforated with tubes, hooked up to machines, and assaulted with drugs. All of this occurs in the Intensive Care Unit at a cost of tens of thousands of dollars a day. What it buys is misery we would not inflict on a terrorist. I cannot count the number of times fellow physicians have told me, in words that vary only slightly, “Promise me if you find me like this that you’ll kill me.” They mean it. Some medical personnel wear medallions stamped “NO CODE” to tell physicians not to perform CPR on them. I have even seen it as a tattoo.

To administer medical care that makes people suffer is anguishing. Physicians are trained to gather information without revealing any of their own feelings, but in private, among fellow doctors, they’ll vent. “How can anyone do that to their family members?” they’ll ask. I suspect it’s one reason physicians have higher rates of alcohol abuse and depression than professionals in most other fields. I know it’s one reason I stopped participating in hospital care for the last 10 years of my practice.
How has it come to this—that doctors administer so much care that they wouldn’t want for themselves? The simple, or not-so-simple, answer is this: patients, doctors, and the system.

To see how patients play a role, imagine a scenario in which someone has lost consciousness and been admitted to an emergency room. As is so often the case, no one has made a plan for this situation, and shocked and scared family members find themselves caught up in a maze of choices. They’re overwhelmed. When doctors ask if they want “everything” done, they answer yes. Then the nightmare begins. Sometimes, a family really means “do everything,” but often they just mean “do everything that’s reasonable.” The problem is that they may not know what’s reasonable, nor, in their confusion and sorrow, will they ask about it or hear what a physician may be telling them. For their part, doctors told to do “everything” will do it, whether it is reasonable or not.

The above scenario is a common one. Feeding into the problem are unrealistic expectations of what doctors can accomplish. Many people think of CPR as a reliable lifesaver when, in fact, the results are usually poor. I’ve had hundreds of people brought to me in the emergency room after getting CPR. Exactly one, a healthy man who’d had no heart troubles (for those who want specifics, he had a “tension pneumothorax”), walked out of the hospital. If a patient suffers from severe illness, old age, or a terminal disease, the odds of a good outcome from CPR are infinitesimal, while the odds of suffering are overwhelming. Poor knowledge and misguided expectations lead to a lot of bad decisions.

But of course it’s not just patients making these things happen. Doctors play an enabling role, too. The trouble is that even doctors who hate to administer futile care must find a way to address the wishes of patients and families. Imagine, once again, the emergency room with those grieving, possibly hysterical, family members. They do not know the doctor. Establishing trust and confidence under such circumstances is a very delicate thing. People are prepared to think the doctor is acting out of base motives, trying to save time, or money, or effort, especially if the doctor is advising against further treatment.

Some doctors are stronger communicators than others, and some doctors are more adamant, but the pressures they all face are similar. When I faced circumstances involving end-of-life choices, I adopted the approach of laying out only the options that I thought were reasonable (as I would in any situation) as early in the process as possible. When patients or families brought up unreasonable choices, I would discuss the issue in layman’s terms that portrayed the downsides clearly. If patients or families still insisted on treatments I considered pointless or harmful, I would offer to transfer their care to another doctor or hospital.

Should I have been more forceful at times? I know that some of those transfers still haunt me. One of the patients of whom I was most fond was an attorney from a famous political family. She had severe diabetes and terrible circulation, and, at one point, she developed a painful sore on her foot. Knowing the hazards of hospitals, I did everything I could to keep her from resorting to surgery. Still, she sought out outside experts with whom I had no relationship. Not knowing as much about her as I did, they decided to perform bypass surgery on her chronically clogged blood vessels in both legs. This didn’t restore her circulation, and the surgical wounds wouldn’t heal. Her feet became gangrenous, and she endured bilateral leg amputations. Two weeks later, in the famous medical center in which all this had occurred, she died.
It’s easy to find fault with both doctors and patients in such stories, but in many ways all the parties are simply victims of a larger system that encourages excessive treatment. In some unfortunate cases, doctors use the fee-for-service model to do everything they can, no matter how pointless, to make money. More commonly, though, doctors are fearful of litigation and do whatever they’re asked, with little feedback, to avoid getting in trouble.

Even when the right preparations have been made, the system can still swallow people up. One of my patients was a man named Jack, a 78-year-old who had been ill for years and undergone about 15 major surgical procedures. He explained to me that he never, under any circumstances, wanted to be placed on life support machines again. One Saturday, however, Jack suffered a massive stroke and got admitted to the emergency room unconscious, without his wife. Doctors did everything possible to resuscitate him and put him on life support in the ICU. This was Jack’s worst nightmare. When I arrived at the hospital and took over Jack’s care, I spoke to his wife and to hospital staff, bringing in my office notes with his care preferences. Then I turned off the life support machines and sat with him. He died two hours later.
Even with all his wishes documented, Jack hadn’t died as he’d hoped. The system had intervened. One of the nurses, I later found out, even reported my unplugging of Jack to the authorities as a possible homicide. Nothing came of it, of course; Jack’s wishes had been spelled out explicitly, and he’d left the paperwork to prove it. But the prospect of a police investigation is terrifying for any physician. I could far more easily have left Jack on life support against his stated wishes, prolonging his life, and his suffering, a few more weeks. I would even have made a little more money, and Medicare would have ended up with an additional $500,000 bill. It’s no wonder many doctors err on the side of overtreatment.

But doctors still don’t over-treat themselves. They see the consequences of this constantly. Almost anyone can find a way to die in peace at home, and pain can be managed better than ever. Hospice care, which focuses on providing terminally ill patients with comfort and dignity rather than on futile cures, provides most people with much better final days. Amazingly, studies have found that people placed in hospice care often live longer than people with the same disease who are seeking active cures. I was struck to hear on the radio recently that the famous reporter Tom Wicker had “died peacefully at home, surrounded by his family.” Such stories are, thankfully, increasingly common.

Several years ago, my older cousin Torch (born at home by the light of a flashlight—or torch) had a seizure that turned out to be the result of lung cancer that had gone to his brain. I arranged for him to see various specialists, and we learned that with aggressive treatment of his condition, including three to five hospital visits a week for chemotherapy, he would live perhaps four months. Ultimately, Torch decided against any treatment and simply took pills for brain swelling. He moved in with me.

We spent the next eight months doing a bunch of things that he enjoyed, having fun together like we hadn’t had in decades. We went to Disneyland, his first time. We’d hang out at home. Torch was a sports nut, and he was very happy to watch sports and eat my cooking. He even gained a bit of weight, eating his favorite foods rather than hospital foods. He had no serious pain, and he remained high-spirited. One day, he didn’t wake up. He spent the next three days in a coma-like sleep and then died. The cost of his medical care for those eight months, for the one drug he was taking, was about $20.

Torch was no doctor, but he knew he wanted a life of quality, not just quantity. Don’t most of us? If there is a state of the art of end-of-life care, it is this: death with dignity. As for me, my physician has my choices. They were easy to make, as they are for most physicians. There will be no heroics, and I will go gentle into that good night. Like my mentor Charlie. Like my cousin Torch. Like my fellow doctors.

Ken Murray, MD, is Clinical Assistant Professor of Family Medicine at USC. This post was originally published at Zócalo Public Square, a non-profit ideas exchange that blends live events and humanities journalism.

2013年6月30日 星期日

病了的小狗

屋企的兩隻小狗都病了, 做主人的我真的很心痛!!

現今社會, 好多人都有養狗, 愛錫狗狗就如愛錫自己生的bb一樣, 想它們快快樂樂地成長.

一隻小狗, 應該無憂無慮去生活, 得到愛錫. 當病了, 主人要決定醫唔醫, 繼唔繼續, 當然心想盡力醫好, 但令一方面又唔想太辛苦, 小狗亦沒有能力去決定要唔要接受治療.

究竟那時候應堅持, 那時候應放手??




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小horlick差不多兩歲多發病, 突然行唔到, 左後腳無力. 經磁力共震發現它患了 syringomyelia (脊髓空洞症). 脊髓積滿了水, 引至神經受損.

知道那一刻心如刀割, 不明白為甚麼一隻小狗咁細個就要受苦!!! 這是不治之症, 只可以用藥物控制, 手術也幫不到. 因要食類固醇, horlick 很快變得好肥, 慢慢由一隻活潑可愛, 開心出街的小狗變成了一隻行幾步都會喘氣的小肥.



和醫生商議後, 決定當病情穩定時減藥, 令小horlick冇咁辛苦.

現在已食藥三年, 病情也很穩定. 雖然腳仔還有少少傷殘, 但起碼行得走得, 體重沒有再上升, 我已很開心了. Horlick 也習慣食藥, 亦知道無論有沒有病, 我都一樣愛錫它.

Horlick, 就算變了肥仔, 媽咪一樣咁愛你!



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小黑 Stevie 更坎坷. 被無良狗主caged了五年, 終於好彩由 LAP 救出, 我帶了小黑回家.
可憐的小黑, 剛剛帶回家好細膽, 好瘦, 滿口爛牙, 對人類毫無信任.
 好彩, 經過幾天便愛上了有人寵愛, 漸漸習慣和我一起生活. 經絕育, 洗牙, 剝牙, 沖涼剪毛後, 變成了一隻可愛小狗!! 最喜歡跳上跳落梳花, 玩毛巾!



可惜, 有一次驗血發現血小板過低, 這就是惡夢的開始!
每星期也要看獸醫, 加藥. 由一種藥食到六種藥還沒有好轉, 食藥食到傻傻地, 失去活力, 唔睬人, 已不再是剛回來的小黑!! 還不時有肚疴和尿頻.
前幾天, 獸醫建議試試化療藥, 看看可不可以刺激血小板上升. 打了一針, 小黑好唔舒服, 不停嘔和肚疴, 還新驗到有胰臟炎, 心痛死我!!!
可憐小黑, 在病房很孤單!

又疴又嘔, 好疲倦!
看見小黑咁辛苦, 我心裡很難過, 我不知道應該怎樣做. 好一隻小狗, 過去五年已沒有自由. 現在有我和家人愛錫, 但又要受病魔折磨. 為何要受咁多苦???
真的希望小黑可以快點兒康復 ... 但萬一沒有好轉, 我應該怎樣做? 有人可教教我嗎??

2013年5月21日 星期二

我家的新成員 Stevie 小黑

有天在 FB 見到 LAP (Lifelong Animal Protection) post 了一幅相, 看到那隻小狗可憐的眼神, 我心痛得不得了. 很想很想救他出來, 給他一些愛.



見到這幅相, 誰會不心痛?

LAP 拯救了他出來, 帶了他去沖涼剪毛和看醫生. 亦為他改了名 - Stevie















經過聯絡 LAP 後, 辦好手續, 終於可以和小狗見面. 這就是改變我和他命運的一天!

 一見到這小狗, 我已很喜歡他. 他走到我身邊, 想和我玩耍. 我抱起他, 他也很乖坐在我的腳上. 但眼神還是充滿不快樂和憂傷.


回家後, 我立即和家人商量, 看看可不可以帶這小狗回家. 因為養一隻小狗, 並不是靠我一個人的力量, 也需要家人的幫忙.


很感激家人的支持, 我可以帶小狗回家 foster.








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4月21日 - 大日子!!
那天我接了小狗回家. 我幫他加了名 - 小黑 Stevie






傻瓜小黑, 一回到家週圍走, 每一件物品都覺得很新奇.











但小黑好 insecure, 每一步都跟著我, 還要我抱著才肯睡覺.











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短短兩天, 小黑 Stevie 對我們多了一些信任, 開始感受到我們對他的愛, 也適應了在我家生活.
 
真正的小黑, 原來一點也不害羞!!!! 他愛玩, 愛跑, 愛跳, 有無限量的活力!
 
 
 
 
 
 
愛玩到不得了. 看看他副那開心的樣子! 和我第一次見他的時候, 簡直是判若兩狗!
 

 
休息時最喜歡坐在那綠色的假草地毡上!
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
經過一連串的醫療程序, 小黑已洗牙, 脫了8隻牙 (慘慘!), 做了眼瘡和絕育手術, 植了晶片, 打了所有疫苗. 只希望以後小黑可以健健康康, 快快樂樂生活!
 
 
 
 









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我好希望大家可以記住 - 每日 LAP 和 SPCA 都會找到被遺棄的貓貓狗狗. 若你們想買貓或狗, 可以先到  LAP 或 SPCA 的網頁看看!!! 若未決定可不可以應付養貓狗, 可以嘗試 foster 先!! Foster 和領養, 比買更大意義! 或許你會是下一個拯救一個小生命的人!!
 
 



2013年5月17日 星期五

我家的小狗 Horlick

小 Horlick 今年已五歲多.

自三個月帶回家後 horlick 就得到無比的寵愛. 連一向怕狗的爸爸, 也漸漸愛上了 horlick.

Horlick 已是我家的一份子. 我絕對不能想像若有一天我失去horlick, 我的生活會怎樣過.


This is the first time I meet baby Horlick 03/2008

Settling in after taking him home. He's so cute and tiny!

He owns the whole world with me



一歲生日


兩歲生日


 Christmas 小狗


三歲生日


五歲生日


今天的 Horlick (May, 2013) - 都已長大了!